Prison – The realm of the unworthy

Just think, if only Joseph hadn’t turned down the hottest woman he would ever meet in his life . . .

Getting tossed in the slammer didn’t stop Jehovah from giving Joseph the “magic hands” hookup. Just like Potiphar, the keeper of the prison quickly noticed how well everything Joseph did turned out, so he put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners. If you’re waiting for Potiphar to get around to having Joseph executed, you can just forget it. Potiphar was a very busy and important man and rarely had the time to concern himself with domestic affairs. I assume this is part of why Mrs. Potiphar was so eager to jump into bed with Joseph: the whole “desperate housewife” stereotype. If you’ve ever listened to the Green Day song “Longview” hopefully you know what I’m talking about (the line I’m thinking of is about ¾ of the way through the song).

  





While Joseph was doing the prison keeper’s job, a couple of Pharaoh’s servants were incarcerated: the chief butler and the chief baker. After spending about three months in the prison, the servants each had a vivid and disturbing dream the same night. When Joseph checked up on them in the morning he noticed they were visibly upset and asked them what was wrong. They told Joseph about the dreams and explained they couldn’t figure out what the dreams meant.

Joseph saw an opportunity to show how awesome he was and said, “You fools; don’t you know that only the Hebrew God has the power to interpret dreams? If you want to learn the meaning you must tell me the dream.” The chief butler went first. He said, “I dreamed about a vine with three branches. Grapes grew on the branches and I pressed them into Pharaoh’s cup and gave it to Pharaoh.”

Joseph said, “Easy Peasy. In three days you will get your old job back. Now I need something from you. I am a Hebrew. I was stolen from my homeland and I ended up in here through no fault of my own. In fact, I even turned down sex with Mrs. Potiphar.” The chief baker chuckled and said, “Oh don’t worry son. Mrs. Potiphar never wants for lack of sex with young men. That woman is mighty fine, but every time I look at her I can only think how it would be like rubbing junk with dozens of other guys. That can’t be healthy.” Joseph answered, “Right, I’m sure she’s a lovely girl.” Then turning his attention back to the chief butler said, “Please remember me after you are once again a trusted servant of Pharaoh and bring me out from this place.”

The butler gave his word it would be done and the chief baker then related his dream. “I was walking with three baskets stacked on my head. The top basket was full of bakemeats for Pharaoh, but birds came and ate all of them.” Joseph told the meaning of the dream like this: “The three baskets are three days. In three days when the chief butler gets his job back, you will be decapitated and your body will by hung from a tree so the birds can eat it.”

Three days later everything went just like Joseph said. However, the chief butler did not keep his promise after he got his job back. He forgot about Joseph.

Moral: no amount of fortune telling can lead a chief butler to get you out of jail.

Ref: Genesis 39-40