Mercury Poisoning – A great way to slowly weed out the top of the food chain

I wonder if the ancient Hebrews had a good grasp on toxicology.

Somewhere around 430 BC the great Jewish prophet Malachi was responsible for about 1,500 words that made it into the Bible. Most of it was doom and gloom stuff about how Jehovah was going to destroy his people and stuff. However, if you pay close attention to the first chapter of Malachi you can uncover a secret plot against the Great One.

After a millennium and a half the Hebrews got tired of giving all the best bread and animals to Jehovah. They weren’t ready to just stop performing blood rituals and stuff though so they came up with a new master plan. Here’s the deal: if you have to play with blood, fat, and fire to keep Jehovah happy; why not kill the unhealthy animals to do it? Also, if you have to waste bread on Jehovah, why not use old crappy bread that you were going to throw out anyway?

The plan was implemented pretty smoothly with concurrence from the priests that actually butchered the animals, played with the blood, burned the fat and kidneys, and ate the meat. That’s right. The priests of the Great Jehovah were perfectly happy to play around with damaged goods. There was just one problem: Jehovah can tell the difference between a blood sacrifice of an unblemished animal, and one that has a limp or a funny complexion.

Jehovah was NOT happy with the change. I mean, I understand the bread. That was pretty obvious. There is a clear difference between fresh bread, and that stale moldy crap the descendents of Abraham were feeding Jehovah. The blood though, that’s different. You and I may not be able to tell the difference, but if a cow pulled a ligament and was then sacrificed; that blood is crap! You might as well collect dog poo, moldy straw, and torn upholstery to feed to your god.

Jehovah was so upset that eventually He cursed his people like this: “Cursed be the people that try to deceive me with shitty blood. I am a great King and unbelievers are afraid of me!” (Malachi 1:14)

Here’s the conspiracy: I think the people weren’t just trying to keep their healthy breeding stock around by feeding Jehovah impure blood. I think they’d gotten tired of Jehovah always pushing them around by destroying cities, causing droughts and floods, killing people and a whole litany of other stuff. They knew Jehovah was too tough for them to confront directly, but maybe, just maybe Jehovah wouldn’t notice a pulled ligament here, or a missing eye there. The people must have hoped that these impurities would build up in Jehovah like mercury in a shark. Eventually they would pass some unknown critical level that would either incapacitate or kill their god.

Moral: Jehovah notices.

Ref: Malachi 1:6-14