So, was Mary Magdalene a hottie, or a “sweet spirit?”
One day Mary Magdalene and Jesus’ apostles were hanging out, sharing their grief over the Savior’s death when suddenly, Jesus appeared before them: like magic. Jesus took this opportunity to do some teaching about nature, answer a few questions about sin, and demand those present go out and preach the gospel. Then Jesus magically disappeared.
No sooner had Jesus departed than the disciples began to cry. They said, “Oh no! How can we possible preach to the gentiles? If they killed Jesus, they are sure to kill us as well!” Good thing Mary was there. She immediately reprimanded the cry-babies by saying, “Stop being such wimps! Christ’s grace will be with you and will protect you. Instead of crying you should be praising His greatness for making you men.”
This speech turned the hearts of the disciples toward good, and they began to calmly discuss Christ and his teachings again. Peter then said to Mary, “We all know that Jesus loved you more than any other woman. Please tell something Jesus taught you that we have never heard.”
This seemed good to Mary so she told the disciples about a vision she received from Christ. This vision was a lesson about the nature of spirit and overcoming wickedness and went on for several pages. However, because the entire text of the Gospel of Mary Magdalene did not survive, we only have fragments of this important vision.
After Mary finished speaking, Andrew piped up saying, “Ok, you all can think whatever you want about the stuff Mary has been saying, but I personally do not believe Jesus said any of it.” Peter piled on by asking the other men, “Do you all really think Jesus spoke to a woman, and not to us? Why would we listen to her? Did Jesus really love her more than us?”
Things were starting to look bad for Mary, but then, Levi spoke up. He said, “Peter, you’ve always been a hot-tempered bastard, and now I see you fighting against Christ’s woman just like one of God’s adversaries. We all know that Christ chose her above all others. Who are you to reject her? Surely the savior knew her well, and for this reason loved her more than any of us. Let us all grow up a little, set aside our jealousy and shame, and go preach the gospel as our Lord commands.”
Then, finally, Jesus’ disciples went out and started to preach the gospel to the world.
Ref: Gospel of Mary Magdalene: Chapters 4-5 & 8-9
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