Rhoda – The first dumb blonde

This angel sounds pretty violent

Once upon a time, Herod the King started killing Christ's famous followers and posting pictures of their bodies on Twitter.

Herod was worried about his popularity and thought if he could get more followers than Caesar things would go well.

 

Herod had already iced James, and Peter was in prison waiting his turn. Fortunately for Peter (not so much for James) an angel showed up prior to the execution and whacked Peter on the side, knocking him to the ground. This act of violence miraculously freed Peter from his bonds. Peter got dressed and the angel led him straight out of prison and left him in the middle of the street.

 

Once Peter got his bearings, he headed to a nearby secret Christian meeting place where a group of followers were fervently praying for his safety. Peter knocked on the door but as luck would have it, Rhoda, the only blonde teenager in the entire Middle East opened the door and recognized him. She was so excited she ran to tell everyone the good news immediately . . . and LEFT PETER LOCKED OUTSIDE!

Of course nobody believed Rhoda, but when she wouldn't change her story a few of the listeners said, "Well, maybe you think you saw Peter. It must have been his ghost though." At this point it STILL hadn't occured to Rhoda to just let Peter into the house so everyone could see him for themselves.

Fortunately, Peter has the presence of mind to keep knocking until someone else finally came to the door and let him in.

Moral: Not all dumbs are blonde.

Ref: Acts 12

Note: Blondes aren't from the Middle East. Blonde hair in a Northern European thing and Northern Europeans are actually pretty damn smart!

Acts 12:13-16 (KJV) - And as Peter knocked at the door of the gate, a damsel came to hearken, named Rhoda. And when she knew Peter’s voice, she opened not the gate for gladness, but ran in, and told how Peter stood before the gate. And they said unto her, Thou art mad. But she constantly affirmed that it was even so. Then said they, It is his angel. But Peter continued knocking: and when they had opened the door, and saw him, they were astonished.

John the Baptist – Be careful who you criticize

It turns out that opening your mouth when you could remain silent can cost you your head

Baptism of Christ by Guido Reni

Many people who have the good fortune to know some of the New Testament stories are familiar with Jesus’ second cousin, John the Baptist. Just like Samson, John was a nazarite so he didn’t drink wine or cut his hair. John isn’t famous for being hairy though. He’s famous because he baptized Jesus by having Jesus walk out into a river and then sprinkling water on Jesus’ head.



Here’s the thing though; John was kinda a blabbermouth and just couldn’t keep quiet when King Herod married his brother’s wife and cousin Herodias. John said it was illegal for Herod the take his cousin Herodias for himself because Philip was still alive. As you might imagine, Herodias was upset and convinced Herod to have John thrown into prison. Of course she also wanted John dead, but Herod was worried that because the population at large had a high opinion of John, people would be upset.



Salome by Franz von Stuck

You might think this story is over, but as soon as Herod’s birthday rolled around, Herodias’ daughter Salome danced for Herod. This wasn’t no innocent dance though. Herod’s step-daughter and first-cousin once-removed and niece put on a SHOW! Herod was pleased. Herod was so pleased that as soon as he regained his composure he promised Salome he would give her anything she asked. BINGO! Of course this was the whole reason Herodias had her daughter give Herod a lap-dance. Herodias was still after John’s head.

When Salome told Herod what she wanted most was John the Baptist’s head in a basket, Herod regretted his lust-driven promise because he was still reluctant to have John executed. He had promised though, so he gave the appropriate orders. John’s head was delivered to Salome who then gave it to her mother.

Moral: if you can’t get your husband to do what you want, have your daughter give him a lap-dance.

Ref: Matthew 14:3-11