Judas Iscariot – Helping local law enforcement since 33 AD

If Jesus was foreordained to die, why is Judas so hated for helping it happen?

After three years of wandering around performing miracles and preaching radical doctrines that upset the ruling class of priests, Jesus was pretty famous.



Crowd in St. Peter's Square for Pope Benedicts Last Blessing
source: news.nationalpost.com

He was so well known that the ruling elite were frightened that Jesus had influence among the people to cause radical changes to the social and political situation in the Middle East. Furthermore, these rulers were concerned that Jesus’ presence would cause the Romans to take suppressive action against the people.

I think it’s safe to say that the biblical accounts indicate Jesus was one of the best known figures of his day. 



Sermon on the Mount - Carl Heinrich Bloch

Once the authorities in Jerusalem decided to remove Jesus from public life, it should have been easy to track him down, right?

Wrong! They needed help. They needed help to find Jesus, which I guess it is ok, but they DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE! They had to pay one of Jesus’ best friends (Judas) to show them where Jesus was hanging out, and then kiss him so they could take the right man into custody.

And he that betrayed him had given them a token, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he; take him, and lead him away safely. And as soon as he was come, he goeth straightway to him, and saith, Master, master; and kissed him. (Mark 14:44-45, KJV)

Seriously? Worst police force EVER!

Police Academy

Ref: Matthew 26:14-16, 47-50; Mark 14: 10-11, 43-46; Luke 22:3-6, 47-49

Mary Washes Jesus’ Feet – Putting long hair to use

This is just one more reason patriarchal men force women to maintain long hair: it’s for foot washing.

A week before the crucifixion Jesus went to visit his girlfriends Mary and Martha, and their brother Lazarus. Martha was the hard-working responsible one, so she was working her ass off to make sure the dinner went well. Lazarus was sitting at the table chatting with Jesus and his apostles. Mary, bless her little soul, did neither.

Instead, Mary rummaged through Martha’s valuables until she found a pound of really nice ointment and rubbed it on Jesus’ feet. Then she wiped off his feet with her hair. Of course Martha was pissed. Not only was Mary not helping out in the kitchen but has also stolen her most expensive ointment and was using it to get extra attention from Jesus. Now Mary’s hair was going to smell like kick-ass ointment and magic feet for weeks!

Before Martha could intervene, Judas Iscariot piped up saying, “What gives man? If you’re so into helping the poor and everything, why wasn’t this ointment sold? You could have fed a whole bunch of people for a long time. Instead your girlfriend is rubbing it on your feet?” Jesus wasn’t very kind to Judas when he replied, which is probably understandable given Jesus’ anxiety over his quickly approaching trial date in Jerusalem. Jesus said to Judas, “Screw the poor! There will always be poor people around. You can take care of them anytime. I’m going to end up in jail, or worse, and then who’s going to fawn over me? I’m pretty sure Martha was saving this stuff in preparation for my death anyway!”

If Jesus’ contemporaries could just respect his anger management problem, the New Testament would be a whole lot less interesting.

Ref: John 12: 1-8