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Monday, August 6, 2012

Ruth – Biblical Hottie - Part 1

I’m a sucker for a good country-western romance

Once upon a time Naomi moved to Moab with her husband Elimelech and their sons because there wasn’t enough to eat in their home town of Bethlehem. Elimelech died and the sons got married while living in Moab so Naomi picked up two daughter-in-laws: Orpah (not Oprah) and Ruth. Well, apparently Moab sucks because Naomi’s sons died too (probably West Nile or Hantavirus). Then Naomi called in her daughter-in-laws and said, “I done heard that God had the grace to bless the folks in Bethlehem with bread again, so I’m headin’ back thata way. Y’all need to get back to yer mama’s houses. I can’t go takin’ care of y’all anymore.”

Orpha was a good little girl and headed back to live with her parents, but Ruth said, “I won’t be havin’ none of that. I’m goin’ with you.” Naomi thought that was crazy and said, “What? You be crazy girl? I ain’t gonna have no more sons for you to marry, and even if I did, you really gonna wait around ‘till they’re old nuff for ya?” Ruth said she didn’t care about that. She was going with Naomi no matter what. Naomi relented and they moved to Bethlehem together.

Now, back in the olden days poor people could go to a field after it had been harvested and try to find any grain that the workers had missed (this is called gleaning). As luck would have it, Ruth unintentionally ended up gleaning the fields of some guy named Boaz. This is significant because Boaz was a relative of her deceased father-in-law.

Boaz was out driving his tractor along the corn rows that day and saw Ruth working in the field wearing her daisy dukes and a red flannel shirt. The Lyrics from John Michael Mongomery’s hit “Sold” (The Grundy County Auction Incident) slammed into his head like a ton of hay and he knew that he had “never seen anyone lookin’ so fine. Man I gotta have her, she’s a one of a kind. I’m goin’ once, goin’ twice. I’m sold! on the lady in the second row. She’s an eight, she’s a nine, she’s a ten, I know. She’s got ruby red lips, blonde hair, blue eyes. An I’m about to bid my heart good-bye!”


To be continued in Part 2 of this exciting epic . . .

Ref: Ruth 1 and Ruth 2:1-3

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