Jesus + water = wine: keeping your priorities straight

This makes me wonder if Jesus + turd = gold nugget

Jesus’ mother Mary was on the Volunteer Special Event Planning Committee of her local congregation, so when one of the young women of the congregation got married Mary ended up doing a big chunk of the planning. Now, you need to understand that when God was rolling Mary’s character he rolled an eight in intelligence, a five in wisdom, and a charisma of 20. This meant Mary could make a really poor decisions like those that led to her getting knocked up by the toothless assistant swine-herd AFTER she was engaged to Joseph, but have the charisma to claim she was still a virgin and pull it off.

This also meant that she only ordered about 1/5^th of the wine a wedding party normally uses. Once the wine ran out she ran off to find Jesus and said, “Jesus, they ran out of wine at the party. Fix it; pretty please?” Jesus didn’t like being used like a convenience store so he said, “Listen Woman. I have nothing to do with you. Besides, I don’t want to start doing public magic yet!”

Mary had known Jesus for a long time so she was used to his disrespectful language and reluctance to help out, but she also knew he would always succumb to social pressure so she said, “Oh, ok. I guess I’ll just go tell everyone that Jesus decided they don’t need any more wine.” Then she whispered to the slaves helping with the party, “Ok, now just do whatever he tells you, even if it seems crazy.”

Jesus knew he was trapped now, so he said, “Fine!” folded his arms, stomped his left food on the ground, pouted just a little, and then called over the slaves. He told them to fill the waterpots with water and take them to the Wedding Planner (WP). Then the WP tasted the water, which was now wine, and called over the groom for a little chat. The WP slapped the groom on the back of the head and said, “Hey, what gives man? I told you yesterday you’re supposed to serve the good wine FIRST, then after everyone is drunk you serve the crappy stuff. You’ve done the exact opposite here, saving the best stuff ‘till now!”

Moral: when Jesus makes wine, He makes really good wine.

Ref: John 2:1-10