Naboth is killed – Always sell your vineyard when the king asks

This is my very first original Limerick. The metering seems off in the fifth line but I’m not able to get it right.

Naboth was a Jezreelite diehard
Whose father had left him a vinyard
The king wanted it
And thought it was fit
To kill poor Naboth without regard

Naboth had this vineyard see. It had been in his family for generations and it was all he got from his father when he died. Ahab the king of Israel was his next door neighbor and wanted the vineyard so he would have a place for an herb garden. Ahab went to have a chat with Naboth about the situation. Ahab was even really reasonable and offered to either give Naboth a better vineyard or pay its value in cash.

This didn’t work for Naboth who said, “Sorry, I can’t do it. Jehovah won’t let me sell my ancestral vineyard.” Poor Ahab was really sad he couldn’t get the land to grow herbs so he went home, lay on his bed and refused to eat. His wife Jezebel was concerned and asked him what was wrong. When Ahab explained the situation Jezebel launched into a tirade. She said, “What the hell man? Seriously? You are the mother-fucking king of Israel. If you want a god-damn vineyard you had damn well better get it! Now don’t you worry about a thing. I will personally make sure you get that land.”

So Jezebel sent letters to all the rich people in town telling them the king wanted them to have a big party and place Naboth in the seat on honor. Then, on the day of the party she bribed to men to publically accuse Naboth of blasphemy against God and the king. Because the Israelites were hardcore they immediately dragged Naboth outside of the city and threw rocks at him until he died. When Jezebel told Ahab that Naboth was dead, Ahab got super excited and ran right over to the vineyard to take possession of it.

Now everything was fine and dandy. That is, until Jehovah told his prophet Elijah about the situation. Elijah didn’t think it was cool to have someone killed under false pretenses so you can plant an herb garden. He told Ahab and Jezebel they were definitely going to have to die. In fact, God was going to make sure that when Ahab died dogs would lick up his blood and Jezebel would be eaten by dogs.

Apparently this sounded really bad so Ahab ripped his clothes and prayed and fasted a whole bunch. Jehovah was so excited about the attention he was getting from Ahab he decided that he wouldn’t cause any trouble for Ahab and Jezebel while they were alive. Instead he would punish their children.

Moral: don’t kill people to get their stuff or Jehovah will punish your children after you die.

Ref: 1 Kings 21