Hannah gives Samuel to the Lord – Who knew that Jehovah was looking to adopt?

My limericks are getting worse, much worse

Elkanah had two wives
Who satisfied his drives
Peninnah gave birth
Hannah had a dearth
Of kids to share their lives

Elkanah had these two wives, Hannah and Peninnah. As is so often the case in these biblical stories, Elkanah liked Hannah best, but Peninnah was the one who kept having children. Hannah’s inability to produce offspring was a cause of great concern to her (she was probably pre-pubescent and Elkanah liked her best because he was turned off by “personal hair”). Peninnah always worked to make things worse too. It was very clear to Peninnah that Hannah was the favorite wife so Peninnah was mean to her as often as possible. Because the lack of kids was a sore spot for Hannah, that was usually how Peninnah tried to make Hannah feel like dirt: dirt that can’t reproduce.

One day Hannah went to the temple and prayed. She told Jehovah that if he would give her a baby then she would give him to the Lord and make sure that kid never had his hair cut (God digs long hair on dudes). The priest Eli noticed this young woman kneeling by the temple steps and moving her lips. He figured she’d snuck some liquor from her parents, had fallen to her knees by the temple, and was trying to work out how to stand up again.

Eli walked over to Hannah and said, “You are way too young, and it is way too early in the morning for you to be stumbling around drunk. You really need to lay off the alcohol.” Hannah answered saying, “I am not drunk sir. I’m just sad. I’ve been kneeling here praying to the Lord.” Eli felt kinda bad for judging her so he said, “Oh, ok. Um, you can leave now. I’m quite certain that Jehovah will give you what you’ve asked for.”

So Hannah went home and she had sex that night with Elkanah. God must have liked Hannah WAY better than all the other women who pray for children because she got pregnant that very evening. Hannah gave birth without incident and named the kid Samuel. As soon as she stopped nursing (so the kid was probably three of four – that’s right, people used to nurse for WAY longer than they do now) she took him to the temple and told Eli he would have to care for him from then on because that was part of her deal with God.

The best part of this story is that after giving Samuel to Eli, Hannah had another five kids. It's amazing how much going through puberty helps when you're trying to reproduce. In fact, I fully endorse puberty as something every women should experience before trying to have kids.

Ref: 1 Samuel 1 & 1 Samuel 2:20-21