1,000 men dead and you’re worried about some dumb foxes, seriously?
It took Samson a few weeks to calm down after she who must not be named betrayed his trust. When he decided it was time to patch things up he took a baby goat (as there weren’t any flower shops in the neighbourhood), went to his in-laws place and asked to see his wife. Her father wouldn’t let Samson in. The father explained, “Well, here’s the thing Samson. After you stormed off I thought that you completely and irrevocable hated she who must not be named so I married her off to your unnamed friend (who we will call Tom Riddle). But hey, check out her little sister. She’s way hotter than she who must not be named. You can marry her now instead.
The proposed arrangement wasn’t satisfactory to Samson and he decided to punish the philistine people for this slight. Samson caught 300 foxes, set their tails on fire and released them into the philistine corn fields. As you might imagine the foxes ran all over the place like, well, foxes with their tails on fire. The cornfields, and olive orchards, and vineyards were burned to the ground.
Naturally there was an official Philistine inquiry into the matter and it was discovered that Samson was the culprit and he started the fire as an act of vengeance because his father-in-law gave his wife to another man.
The philistines weren’t soft on crime, so they burned she who must not be named and her father to death. Samson said to them, “If that’s the way you are going to be, I will get vengeance and then do no more.” Then he killed an unspecified number of philistines with his bare hands and went to the top of a huge rock to hang out.
In the interest of public safety, the philistines sent an army to kill Samson. When the army got to Lehi, the Israelites asked them what they were doing there. The philistines told them about Samson and said they were there to even the score. Because the Israelites didn’t want any trouble with the Philistines, they sent 3,000 men to go get Samson and hand him over to the Philistines. When they got to Samson’s rock they told him they were going to tie him up and carry him to the Philistine army. Samson said that was fine as long as the Israelis promised they weren’t going to try to kill him themselves. The Israelis promised and Samson was taken to the Philistines tied up with cords.
After Samson was delivered to the philistine army, the “spirit of the Lord” came upon him. He broke the bonds and grabbed “a new jawbone of an ass” (once again breaking the Nazarite rules by touching something dead) and used it to kill 1,000 philistine men. All this effort made Samson really thirsty and he started to whine. He said, “You know Jehovah, I’m like glad you helped me kill all these people so I wouldn’t go to jail or be executed or anything, but now I’m so thirsty I think I might just die or be captured anyway.”
Because Samson reminded Jehovah a lot of Himself, He decided to be nice to Samson. Jehovah made water come out from the ground (or jawbone depending on the translation) and Samson was able to drink and be refreshed.
Moral: If you kill enough people, Jehovah will be nice to you.
Ref: Judges 15
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