Sex sells
One day Jehovah was upset about how the Israelites were behaving so he gave Jeremiah a few messages to pass on in Jeremiah Chapter 3.
From the mouth of God:
Imagine that dude number 1 divorced his wife and then she hooked up with dude number 2 later. Then imagine how gross it would be if dude number 1 screwed that chick again. That would be just like two dudes rubbing their junk together. Because all you Israelites stopped going to church, you are just like junk rubbing dudes!
You keep having sex with all sorts of people, and then want to crawl back into my bed? You’re so bad that even though you’re obviously a skanky whore, you refuse to feel shame. You are all like a bunch of slutty chicks that have sex on every single mountain and under every tree. Because you all are supper slutty I’m divorcing you.
Your sister though, she’s the people that still go to church but don’t believe. She totally had sex with the ground. That’s right. She’s been committing adultery with rocks and sticks.
Here’s the thing though, I’m not a monster and because used pussy is better than no pussy I’m not going to stay angry forever. I’m even going to forgive. Because we are married and everything, I will take one person from that city and two from this family and bring them to Zion.
Ref: Jeremiah 3:1-14
Moral: Jehovah likes to talk about having sex with his followers/children
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