Every time I think I've found an original story, I turn around and find its inspiration in the bible.
If you have ever seen The Secret of Nimh you should remember Nicodemus. If you haven’t seen it, you can buy it, or rent it through Amazon instant video and watch it right now!
 |
| Nicodemus: he's quite nice, honest |
Nicodemus is this kindly old rat, who looks and acts super, super scary. Like really freaky. I seriously don’t understand why anyone would subject a child to that level of scary-looking, talking rat. His eyes even glow! I’m talking scary glowing eyes here people! Don Bluth, who directed the whole sordid affair, was clearly either high the whole time or a sadistic nutjob.
In the movie, Nicodemus tells a story about how he and his fellow smart rats were captured and taken to a secret laboratory where they were given all sorts of cool drugs and became super smart. Of course, as a fan of the bible I know this to be false. Nicodemus became smart because he was personally instructed by Jesus himself.
Nicodemus (before he became a rat) was an important teacher at the time of Christ. One night Nicodemus approached Jesus and said, “Ok, so you can do all these miracles, and we know that miracles come from God, so you are clearly a teacher, come from God.” This sounded OK to Jesus who, rather awkwardly, pronounced, “Listen up. Unless a man is born twice, he can’t go to heaven.”
Nicodemus still wasn’t smart at that time, so he didn’t understand and said, “Really? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. A man can’t be born again once he’s old. There is no way he could climb back up through his mother’s vagina into her uterus to be born a second time. The man is too big, and the vagina is too small.”
Jesus expected Nicodemus’ ignorance and was prepared. Jesus said, “No, a man must ALSO be born of the water and the spirit to go to heaven. Vaginal birth is the physical kind. The second birth must be spiritual. You look confused; let me explain: You can hear the wind blowing, but you can’t see it. People who are born of the spirit at the same way; you can hear them, but not see them.”
This still wasn’t working for Nicodemus who said, “Seriously? Can you hear yourself? That makes less than zero sense. I can see all the real people. If you have invisible people following you around you either have a seriously overactive imagination or have gone quite mad.”
By this point Jesus was starting to get frustrated and snapped back, “Art thou a master of Israel, and knowest not these things? I keep telling you the truth about the physical world and you don’t believe me. Why would you believe anything I saw about the spiritual world? Nobody ever goes to heaven without first coming to earth from heaven. Even the son of God had to come down to Earth from heaven!”
Jesus continued, “Moses had to lift a snake in the wilderness so people would look at it and not be killed by God. Just the same, the son of God will be lifted up and everyone that believes in him will never die. I didn’t come to Earth to destroy it, but to save it.”
Then Jesus and his buddies left Nicodemus standing there and walked to the land of Judæa (in the middle of the night, apparently).
Ref: John 3:1-15
Moral: Invisible people, WTF?
No comments:
Post a Comment