Pharaoh Has Some Crazy Dreams – Play that funky music, white boy

Do you think God still uses dreams to tell us the future?

Two full years after the incident with the chief baker and chief butler, Pharaoh had a couple of crazy dreams that really bothered him. In the first dream seven big fat happy cows climbed up out of the river and started to graze in a meadow. Then seven anorexic cows, on the verge of death, climbed up out of the river and ATE the big fat happy cows! Now I reckon this should be the theme of a horror movie. Of course it would be a total rip off of the 1985 Stephen King Book “Thinner” which was made into a movie in 1996.




The skinny cows are starting to eat the fat cows

 Let’s see if we can make it work. Seven obese cows that were not very nice trampled an old gypsy’s daughter to death. Of course the obese cows were taken to court for “trampling” homicide, but they got off without any punishment. Because the legal systems failed the poor gypsies, the old man gypsy decided to get even with the cows using a “thinner” curse. The cows just kept losing weight no matter how much they ate. Finally they went a little crazy and attacked the happy, nice cows ripping out chunks of bloody flesh with their blunt, herbivore teeth until nothing remained.

Gross: no wonder Pharaoh was upset.

The second dream was probably even creepier. Pharaoh dreamed that seven fat, healthy heads of grain grew on a single stalk. Now if that wasn’t weird enough seven more heads of grain grew on the same stalk. Now it had 14 heads of grain. The new heads weren’t attractive though. They were dry, shriveled and diseased looking. Then the seven anorexic heads of grain ATE the healthy heads of grain. I just keep imagining claymation heads of anorexic grain sliding up and down the stalk, splitting open and eating the healthy grain heads with little white clay teeth. Bleeaugh.

As soon as Pharaoh awoke from these harrowing dreams, he immediately sent out summons for all the magicians and wise men of Egypt. Sadly, none of these were able to interpret his dreams.

Moral: Pharaoh has some crazy dreams

Ref: Genesis 41:1-8