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Thursday, July 12, 2012

Jesus and the Demons – Showing again that the Son of God is an asshole

Trying to make things more interesting

One day when Jesus and his posse were wandering around stirring up trouble in Gadarenes (which is adjacent to Galilee) this crazy, naked guy who had been living in a cemetery ran up to the Lord and said something like, “Hey, what you do here bra? Why you needs bodda us? No make us move to da mainland, yeah.”
Now Jesus was surprised to hear a crazy guy talking like a pacific islander so he asked his name. Naked guy then said something like, “We be Legion bra. Der be lotsa us in here yeah.” Jesus explained that he wasn’t going to allow the evil islander spirits to live their host anymore so Legion said, “Ok bra, we gets it. Jus be lettin’ us inta dohs pigs ova der yeah.”
Jesus though about this quickly weighing the needs of the pig owners (who would have been Gentiles – second class citizens to Jesus) with the needs of the islander spirits and decides it’s better to side with the spirits, so he sends the unclean spirits into the “unclean” animals who then run into the sea and drown. All 2,000 pigs die. Now, before you get all excited about how cool Jesus is because he negotiated a deal with the demons, remember those pigs represented a significant financial loss for their owners. With an approximate modern value of $200 per pig, that would be around $400,000.
The pig keepers freaked out when Jesus killed their herd so they ran into town to let everyone know that a visiting foreigner (Jesus) was using magic to destroy other people’s property. Understandably the townsfolk were very concerned so they banded together and forced Jesus and his “gentlemen friends” out of the region. Good thing too. Who knows what other damage Jesus would have done if he’d been allowed to stay in Gadarenes.
IMPORTANT NOTE: I do not think evil spirits are from Hawaii, or that Hawaiians are evil spirits. I just thought it would be funny to have Legion talk like that.

Ref: Mark 5:10-17

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