The King lets Esther save the day – Always enter the king’s room booty first

The Epic of Esther in Four Parts: Part IV
It must be so cool to be the King’s wife

Once Esther learned about her uncle’s behavior earning a death warrant for all the Jews she asked her uncle to tell all the Jews in the city to fast for three days because she was going to have to have a chat with her husband. She also had her virgin servants fast because you see; the queen isn’t allowed to talk to the king without his permission. She can’t enter any room he’s in unless he calls for her. If she does, the standard penalty is death.

Esther didn’t see any other way to save the Jews other than risking her life to talk with the King. Now don’t go thinking she was just doing this to save herself from Jew genocide. Remember nobody knew she was a Jew because her uncle told her to make sure nobody found out. She was genuinely concerned for other people. Also, she did not blow Hegai. Seriously; I can’t believe you’re still going on about that.

Ok, here goes. Now for the moment of truth:

Esther put on her best clothes then went and stood outside the King’s palace where he could see her, breaking the law. Then, a true miracle occurred. The king remembered how he felt about Esther’s sweet booty, decided not to have her killed, and raised his golden scepter to indicate she was allowed to approach him. Esther walked up to her husband who asked what she wanted. Esther had a plan and said, “If it seem good unto the king, let the king and Haman come this day unto the banquet I have prepared for him.” That’s right. Esther asked the king to come eat dinner with her and bring a friend.

This is where the second miracle occurs: the king said yes. At the banquet the king told Esther to ask him for something and Esther asked him to come to dinner with his friend Haman, AGAIN. Dinner, two nights in a row: it’s insane. It’s even more insane that the king said yes (I hope you see what Esther is doing here. She’s making the king get used to doing as she asks). At this second banquet the king again told Esther to ask for something. Then it got real intense.

Esther said, “If you like me, then please don’t kill me or my people. We have been sold and are scheduled to be executed. If we had just been sold into slavery I wouldn’t complain, but I really don’t think we should have to die.” The king was surprised to hear someone was planning to kill his wife so he said, “Who did this? Where is he, and how dare he?” Esther replied, “The enemy of your wife is your best friend Haman.”

The king was so upset he went into his garden to get some fresh air. Now, Haman was no fool. He knew he was in deep shit, so he went to the bed Esther was lying on to beg for his life. This was not a good move. When the king came back into the room he saw Haman on Esther’s bed and he said, “What's This? Is he trying to rape the queen now too? In my house?” So the king immediately had Haman hanged.

Then the king rescinded the order to have all the Jews executed and Esther came clean about her upbringing and told the King Mordecai was her uncle. Then the king gave Mordecai all of Haman’s stuff. You know, slaves, estates, family members, normal stuff to give someone.

And here we have it: proof that if your niece has good skin and a large ass, you should force her into a marriage where talking to your husband can get you killed.

Ref: Esther 4-8