You just have to accept that people had different ideas about sexual morality in the olden times
This basic story happened with both Isaac and Abraham. In fact it happened to Abraham TWICE! I’ve even told Abraham’s version before. This time however, it’s Abraham’s son, Isaac.
When Isaac was living in Gerar with his wife Rebekah, some of the men started asking about Rebekah. Normal stuff you know, like her virgin status, availability, etc. Now Isaac was a total pussy and was worried his neighbors would kill him and take Rebekah if they knew he was married to her. The obvious answer? Lie. The bible teaches us that the most revered prophets of all time lied their asses off whenever they were concerned for their own safety. That’s right. Isaac followed his father’s example and told everyone Rebekah was his sister.
Apparently everything was going really well until the day Abimelech, king of the Philistines looked out his window and saw Isaac screwing Rebekah’s brains out. Abimelech knew Isaac had been telling everyone he and Rebekah were siblings. The king was concerned and shouted out the window at Isaac, “WTF man? This woman is obviously your wife, why did you say she’s your sister.” Isaac let go of Rebekah’s legs (which then fell back down to the ground) and replied, “Sorry dude, I was scared shitless that if some jerk-face out there figured out we were married he would kill me so he could take my first cousin Rebekah here for himself.”
The king was still pissed. He said, “You moron! If someone decided to have sex with Rebekah one day because he figured she was unattached, our people would have become impure.” The king solved this problem quickly by commanding everyone to be nice to Isaac and Rebekah and do them no harm.
This story is weird. Why did the king automatically assume that just because Isaac and Rebekah were screwing out in their yard (assuming they weren’t just going at it in the street) that they weren’t siblings? It just doesn’t make sense. If we choose to believe the biblical creation account, Adam and Eve’s kids were obviously having a major screw fest and popping out all sorts of babies with interesting relationships. Then, because nobody told them you shouldn’t make babies with your siblings, I’m sure there were 13 and 14 year old girls squeezing out their brother’s babies for generations before there got to be enough cousins to make that seem like a viable option. In fact, moving away from sibling love was probably frowned on because it was different from the way they started.
Isaac’s parents were first cousins, he married his first cousin, his son Jacob married two of his first cousins and Rebekah was furious when their other son Esau DIDN'T marry a first cousin. I mean, how different is sibling love from all that? Many of you have probably heard that if you make babies with your brother or sister they will come out retarded or with the wrong number of limbs. However, this is totally untrue. In both Hawaii and Egypt the royal families only married within themselves with pure pairings between brother and sister for hundreds of years. That’s a LOT of sibling love and nobody had an extra arm coming out of their forehead.
We just have to look at England’s royal family to find marriages between first cousins, second cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews (and the odd 5th cousin) going back 1000 years. Not 100 years mind you, ONE THOUSAND FRIGGIN YEARS! After all that they only earned themselves a tendency toward hemophilia and insanity. I have ADD, my wife has ADD, and we have one daughter with ADD and one without. If my sister had ADD and I made babies with her, our sibling love children would have the same probability of developing ADD as my actual children.
Get over yourself Abimelech. Isaac and Rebekah could easily have been siblings and still been caught screwing outside your window.
Ref: Genesis 16: 6-11
No comments:
Post a Comment