The “Palsy” – Jesus gets busted forgiving sins

“Luke, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.”
-Obi-Wan Kenobi

To begin: When the New Testament refers to a “scribe” it is talking about a certain class of religious leader that specializes in studying and teaching religious law. Jesus really hated these guys because they were always calling him out for ignoring the laws of God (the damn hippie).

So one day a group of Jesus lovers carried some bed-ridden guy to meet him. This man was a victim of the “palsy.” This is most likely partial paralysis brought on by a stroke, but it’s tough to know for sure. In any case; it’s bad and means you have to be carried around in a bed. When Jesus saw this guy he could tell just by looking at him that he was a huge Jesus fan. Jesus was so excited he immediately blurted out, “Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.” (Matt. 9:2, KJV)

As luck would have it there were some scribes in the vicinity that heard this exclamation absolving the old guy from sin. This seemed especially crazy to them and to themselves they said, “This man is full of shit. Only Jehovah can forgive sins and it is the worst sort of blasphemy to pretend otherwise.” Because Jesus had been blessed with supernatural powers by the Holy Spirit he could read their minds and he said, “What gives? Why do you fill yourselves with evil thoughts? Seriously; I want you to think about something for a minute. Is it easier to tell someone their sins are forgiven, or to tell them to get up and walk?”

Then Jesus turned to his bed-ridden fan and said, “Just to prove to these losers that I can forgive sins I need you to stand up, pick up your bed, and go home.” When the old guy did this all the bystanders were amazed. I mean, they had never seen an old person get out of bed before. It was truly a miraculous sight. These bystanders were super excited and told tons of other people the story of how the blasphemous hippy told an old man to get out of bed. Yay!

Ref: Matthew 9