Sometimes I do Christians the discourtesy of assuming they follow God’s laws as presented in the Holy Scripture
God demands that after a couple is married, the sheet on which they first have sex be saved and given to the woman’s parents. THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT! Most women have enough of a hymen that upon initial intercourse, it breaks painfully and bleeds. The blood is meant to get on the sheet which then becomes a “token of virginity.” In God-fearing nations like Iran and Yemen, this is still a common practice.
You may think this sounds creepy or anachronistic, but as a father I know there is no way in hell I’m not keeping those bloody sheets. You see, if the groom decides he’s not thrilled with my daughter after the wedding night, he might decide to get out of the marriage by claiming my daughter wasn’t a virgin when they tied the knot. You know, like Henry VIII did when he was trying to get rid of Catherine of Aragon.
If I don’t have a bloody sheet to present to the local authorities, then the people of the city are commanded by God to take my daughter to my front door and then throw rocks at her until she dies from the injuries. I DO NOT want that to happen.
If I do have the sheet, then the jerkface that tried to have my daughter executed has to pay me 100 shekels of silver because he slandered my daughter. Then he can never get rid of her; they have to stay married until the jerkface dies. Of course she may not want to stay married to the asshole that wanted her dead, but you know; she’s a woman and God doesn’t want women to have any rights other than the right to be bought and sold.
Moral: save the blood!
Ref: Deuteronomy 22:13-21
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