After Jehovah stopped liking the descendants of Abraham, things got pretty bad in Jerusalem. You see, Jehovah only helps out people who like Him and is deliberately cruel to those who disrespect him. In this case, Jehovah had the Babylonians invade Israel and haul off most of the people to work in the region we know today as Iraq.
The sacred book of Lamentations serves to enlighten us as to the condition of Jerusalem after Jehovah stopped being nice to it. In Lamentations 1:4 we learn that Zion mourns because nobody goes to parties anymore and the virgins are afflicted. Oh no: afflicted? How? Well, I hope these are metaphorical virgins. I hope it so much; I’m going to write this like both Jerusalem and its people are represented as virgins in Lamentations. If they are not metaphorical, God is even more messed up that I thought.
From Lamentations Chapter 1:
First: No longer full *cough cough* of people – just like a widow
Second: No lovers to give comfort
Third: All friends became enemies
Fourth: Live among non-religious people
Fifth: Be overtaken by persecutors “between the straits”
Sixth: Children (from a virgin?) are taken away as prisoners
Seventh: Disrespected by former fans because they’ve been seen naked
Eighth: Filthy skirts
Ninth: Adversary gets to rub his/her hands all over the “pleasant bits”
Tenth: Hungry
Eleventh: Fire sent into the bones
Twelfth: Trodden upon and squished by God, like in a winepress
Thirteenth: Menstruating
Moral: Don’t be a virgin or your adversaries will get to see you naked and rub your “pleasant bits,” God will squish you like a grape, and you will have to menstruate.
Ref: Lamentations 1:1-17
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