Divorce and Castration – They’re both painful

Castration to appease God is way better than castration to impress your friends

One time when Jesus was teaching and healing the infirm near the Judean coast when a group of hoity toity Pharisees (good, God-fearing folk) showed up to cause trouble. The Pharisees asked Jesus if divorce was OK. Jesus was a good Roman Catholic boy so he wasn’t a big fan of divorce and said, “Um, if you like look in the scriptures, and stuff; you will totally find that God like, made a dude and a chick and told them they had to “one flesh” it up. If you think about it, that like, totally means they aren’t flying solo anymore. It’s not up to men to divide what God joined together.”

The Pharisees were upset (as per the norm) that Jesus was teaching crap that contradicted the Holy Scriptures so they said, “If that’s true, why did God give Moses detailed instructions on how to properly execute divorce proceedings?” Jesus responded, “Man, I tell you what; back in those days God was super bueno with divorce due to the hardness of your hearts, man. Now that we live in the new era I’m tellin’ ya: all the peeps what get divorced are totally committing adultery. I mean, unless the lady is steppin’ out on you. Then it’s ok, ‘cause who needs a ho-bag like that hangin’ around?”

Then Jesus’ disciples joined the conversation saying: “If that’s the rule now, it’s got to be way better to just not get married.” Jesus liked the sound of that, but being a really practical guy realized that dudes like the ladies and said, “Well, not all the dudes can handle the celibacy, man. Some guys ain’t got no junk ‘cause they wasn’t born with it. Then some other dudes had their junk taken from them with a knife or sharp rock or summin’ like that, so they’re good. There’s only, like, a few ‘specially radical dudes who can live junkless by their own choice! I mean anybody what can live junkless totally should though, because it’s WAY better than getting hitched when you ain’t got no recourse for divorce.”

Note: some people think the self-inflicted eunuch-ism Jesus was talking about is a metaphor for celibate living. I don’t buy it: when you’re really big on circumcision, castration is the next logical step in the direction of righteousness.

Ref: Matthew 19:1-12

A Serious History Lesson – Jesus and his religious leaders

To understand Jesus, you must understand a little of his culture

There have been many different sects of Judaism throughout the centuries. Two that are well known to Christians are the Sadducees and Pharisees. Both were active, along with the Essenes, during the Second Temple Period which ended about 70 AD. The reason they are known today is Jesus was constantly complaining about them and criticizing them. He often fought with them in public and warned his followers about them, saying they should not follow or believe these spiritual and political leaders. For one example, see Matthew 16:1-12.

But who were the Sadducees and Pharisees?

The Sadducees were affiliated primarily with the upper class. They assumed various political, social, and religious roles. They were the ones tasked with maintaining the temple and had a deep interest in religious law as laid out in the Torah. They were obsessed with purity and holiness. They believed that God does not commit evil, that men have free will to choose between good and evil, and there is no afterlife: no eternal rewards or punishments. However, not all priests and aristocrats were Sadducees. Many were Pharisees, and many were not affiliated with any organized group (think independent voters).

The Pharisees’ interpretation of Jewish law was more liberal. They claimed to represent and have support from the majority of the common people, in contrast to the more elite Sadducees. The Pharisees accepted the teachings of the oral Torah, while the Sadducees would only accept the written version. They agreed with the Sadducees on the idea that people have free will, but differed because they believed that God knew in advance what people would do. They also believed in an afterlife with the associated eternal punishments and rewards.

Enter Jesus.

When Jesus showed up on the scene he was MUCH more liberal than even the Pharisees and constantly disregarded both law and tradition. When his religious leaders tried to encourage him to be a law-abiding citizen he both argued with them and taught his followers to ignore the priests who were honestly trying to teach and enforce God’s laws as recorded in the religious texts of the time.

In Jesus’ defense, he was typically trying to push the idea that helping people was more important than the law. This makes things a little more ambiguous. Imagine how modern law enforcement would feel about you stealing a police car to take someone to the hospital. Then remember Jean Valjean who stole some bread to feed his starving niece in Les Misérables and ended up in prison for 19 years before spending the rest of his life on the run from authorities for breaking parole. Most readers/viewers think Valjean is justified in stealing the bread because it’s for a “good cause.” But remember, someone had their bread stolen. What if it was the only food they had? Just think how you would feel if someone stole your car to take someone to the hospital. Yeah. It’s like that.

Ref: The Four Gospels