Jesus and the Adulteress - A novel approach to problem solving

"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."

So one morning Jesus wandered down to the temple to do some teaching. After he’d been there a while a group of religious types brought a woman to see him. They said, “This skank was totally screwing some guy she wasn’t married to and we caught her in the act. As you should know Moses told us that Jehovah commands we stone her. What do you think?”

Jesus said, “What, really? So how long did you watch before you grabbed her? Did you at least let her lover finish? I mean seriously. Did you just happen to walk in on them doing it, or did someone tell you there was a free show in Jeshue’s house? Anyway, you losers aren’t worth my time so I’m just gonna ignore you now and draw pictures of hoo-haws in the dirt.”

After an uncomfortable silence one of the religious guys said, “Look, I get you have a LOT on your mind but I really am going to need some kind of answer from you on this.” So Jesus finally looked up and said, “Look, I know you guys were enjoying the show and I’m pretty sure you’ve heard me say stuff like, ‘He who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery in his heart’ so go ahead. Whoever here has no sin, let him throw the first stone.” Then Jesus went back to drawing his dirty pictures.

Well, the pervy old guys felt pretty bad about desperately wishing it was them screwing the adulteress instead of Jeshue, so they slowly started to leave until only Jesus and the woman were left at the temple. When Jesus finished his drawing he looked up and said, “Woman, where are you accusers?” The woman answered, “They all took off, leaving me here with you all alone, and I am so grateful that you stopped them from throwing rocks at me until I died.”

Jesus then said, “Sweet deal. Just remember to be careful to not get caught next time."

Ref: John 8:1-11

Reference for drawing female genitalia in the dirt: http://www.luciferianliberationfront.org/sf.html