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Monday, August 26, 2013

Moses Makes Things Worse – Moses Part V

‘Bush’ Yahweh is a jerk He deliberately made all those people suffer, just to make a good story.

After Moses got to Egypt he hooked up with his brother Aaron and the two of them went and talked to the elders of Israel. Aaron did the talking of course, and convinced the elders that they were sent by Yahweh to free the people. The elders got super excited and praised the lord and all that.

You may remember from the previous bible story that Yahweh told Moses the slaves would not be freed at first because Yahweh was going to harden Pharaoh’s heart until after all the plagues were finished and Yahweh got to kill Pharaoh’s son. Apparently Moses forgot, because when he went to visit Pharaoh the next day, he was really surprised when Pharaoh didn’t just let everyone go. Instead Pharaoh decided that if the people had time to pray to Yahweh, they weren’t working hard enough. We should probably forgive Moses for forgetting about the whole, “I won’t free the slaves until after I get to do all sorts of cool storybook stuff first.” After all, he was 80 years old at that point.

Pharaoh commanded that the supply of straw to the brick-making slaves stop. To take up some of that free time, the slaves would now be required to gather their own grass and stubble to make the bricks. Of course the number of bricks being produced couldn’t drop to make sure the new initiative would help reduce all that wasteful prayer time.

Moses got mad after the new straw program went into effect and demanded that Yahweh tell him why he was sent to free the slaves if asking just got them more work. “For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in thy name, he hath done evil to this people; neither hast thou delivered thy people at all.” Of course Yahweh had an answer. He went on and on and on about how he was remembering his people and would free them. Seriously, He wouldn’t shut up about it. After several hours of this incredibly repetitive rhetoric Yahweh finally got around to saying, “Just go back to Pharaoh again. This time I’ll help out and tell you what to say.”

Moral: to serve God properly, you must first confront Vader alone. Then, only then, a Jedi will you be.

Ref: Exodus 4:27 – 6:30

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