Yahweh’s Wonders – “Thunder bolt and lightning very very frightening me”

Why did Yahweh work so hard to impress Pharaoh if He was just going to use magic to make sure Pharaoh wasn’t impressed? Because He’s an exhibitionist.

When Moses and Aaron went to visit Pharaoh the second time, Aaron turned his staff into a snake to impress Pharaoh. Of course Pharaoh wasn’t impressed and called in his personal magicians who also turned their rods into snakes. Because Aaron’s snake was a Yahweh snake it was tougher than the average snake and ate all the magician’s snakes. Unfortunately for the slaves, Yahweh “hardened Pharaoh’s heart” to make sure he didn’t get all worried and let the slaves go.

The next day Yahweh told Moses to tell Aaron to touch the river water with his magic snake rod. This turned the river to blood and all the fish died. This was pretty impressive, but again Pharaoh’s magicians duplicated the feat and Yahweh did his heart hardening bit so the slaves had to stay.

The next trick was frogs. Moses told Aaron to summon about a bazillion frogs. These frogs got everywhere. They covered the entire country. Then, the magicians duplicated the feat and made things even worse! Finally Pharaoh got fed up and asked Moses and Aaron to ask Yahweh to get rid of the frogs, promising that as soon as the frogs were gone the Hebrew slaves would all be released. Once the frogs were gone though, Yahweh hardened Pharaoh’s heart and the slaves had to stay.

They repeated this exact pattern for lice, and then for flies. After Pharaoh reversed his promise for the flies Moses and Aaron started to sing the part they knew of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, because who doesn’t love that song, I mean really? Even more surprising was the fact that Pharaoh joined in.

Moses: But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me.
Aaron: He's just a poor boy from a poor family, spare him his life from this monstrosity.
Moses: Easy come easy go will you let me go?
Pharaoh: Bismillah no we will not let you go.

Aaron: Let him go.
Pharaoh: Bismillah no we will not let you go.

Aaron: Let him go.
Pharaoh: Bismillah no we will not let you go.

Moses: Let me go.
Pharaoh: Will not let you go.

Moses: Let me go.

Pharaoh: Never! Never let you go.

Moses: Let me go, never let me go ooo. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go. Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me - for me - for me



Queen: Greatest Hits



While you would think performing Queen’s music a cappella would solve any property dispute, not even such joyful sounds could overcome Yahweh’s persistent hardening of Pharaoh’s heart. Even after Aaron and Moses killed all the Egyptian cattle, gave the Egyptians boils, made fire rain down from heaven, caused a plague of locusts, and made everything dark for three days, Pharaoh just couldn’t shake that heart hardening. Oh well.

Moral: no amount of singing or magic can overcome a hard heart once Yahweh gets involved.

Ref: Exodus 7 - 10