The Last Battle - The Zechariah version

Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that it's ok when God lets people die, because they get to go to heaven and that's not supposed to be bad.

In one of Zechariah's great visions, he saw a future battle in the Middle East.



Sorry. It Wasn't This Middle Eastern Conflict (Syria 2014)

God is going to make Jerusalem a burden to the entire world. It's going to get so bad that every nation on Earth will gang up on Israel and try to destroy it.



Can you tell that I drew ALL the world's nations here?

All the fighting isn't going to go too poorly for God's chosen people because God plans to help. He's even going to show up in person to "destroy all the nations that come against Jerusalem."



God shows up to help. Note the kickin' cape

Here's the catch: when the Jews see that God is Jesus Christ, AND that they crucified him back in Roman times, they're going to feel really bad. They are going to feel SO bad the sadness will end up splitting all the families apart and all the wives are going to have to move away from their husbands.

The "Sadness" Separating Families

So much for the traditional family, eh?

Moral: Sometimes when God makes everyone want to kill you, he shows up to help you when they attack.

Ref: Zechariah 12

Sifting the People of Israel – How gathering gets done

I bet it would be nice to be a descendent of Israel. Then you wouldn’t have to pass through the sieve and fall to the earth.

In the last days, Jehovah plans to spend a great deal of effort collecting the people of Israel from among the people of Earth. According to Amos 9:9, Jehovah is going to use a giant sieve and none from the house of Israel will pass through to fall upon the earth. 

  

Once they are safely segregated from the population, Jehovah will kill the unrighteous ones so their evil won’t contaminate the rest of the population. Once that’s done, the rest will be given a great mission. They will build cities, plant vineyards, drink wine, plant fruit trees, and eat fruit.

Here’s the thing though: if you remember, most of the children of Israel live inside the Earth.

A Hebrew Family Living Inside the Earth (not to scale)

If Jehovah’s job is done after the sieving and the wholesale slaughter, those who survive the process must have a huge task remaining. They need to find the entrance to the hollow earth and rejoin their brethren.

The Jews Rejoin their Hebrew Brethren (not to scale)

Moral: there is a good chance you will pass through the sieve and fall to the earth.

Ref: Amos 9:9-15

False Prophets – People who prophesy falsely

Why won’t the stupid world just END already?

People have been predicting the second coming of Christ for about 2,000 years now. Even Jesus himself said, “Verily I say unto you, that this generation shall not pass, till all these things be done” (Mark 13:30 – KJV) when talking about the end of the world. He also said, “Verily I say unto you, That there be some of them that stand here, which shall not taste of death, till they have seen the kingdom of God come with power” (Mark 9:1 – JKV). Furthermore, when God is talking in Revelation 3:11 He says, “Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown” (KJV).

It should hardly be surprising that prophesies started to pour in shortly after the crucifixion. Throughout the past couple of decades it seems about twice a year we have some story in the news about an impending end of the world prediction. I started to look around for some of these and stumbled on a website that lists more than 200 such predictions and is by no means comprehensive.

There is just one problem with this. Jehovah told us very clearly that prior to the “last days” of the earth all the prophets would be taken from the earth.

Zechariah 13:2 (ISV) "At that time," declares the LORD of the Heavenly Armies, "I will eliminate the names of the idols from the land, and they will not be remembered anymore. I will also force both prophet and demon to leave the land.

Then Jehovah said anyone who prophesies that the “end is near” should be killed by his/her parents!

Zechariah 13:3 (ISV) - It will also come about that if any man would dare to prophesy, then his father and his mother who bore him will respond to him, 'You will not live, because you are speaking lies in the name of the LORD.' Then his father and mother who bore him will stab him for prophesying.  NOTE: this is referring to the “last days” after God pulls out all the prophets.

Furthermore, Jehovah also promised to personally punish all false prophets, not just those that predict the end.

Jeremiah 29: 20-21 (NLT) - Therefore, listen to this message from the LORD, all you captives there in Babylon. This is what the LORD of Heaven's Armies, the God of Israel, says about your prophets--Ahab son of Kolaiah and Zedekiah son of Maaseiah--who are telling you lies in my name: "I will turn them over to Nebuchadnezzar for execution before your eyes.

Jeremiah 29:30-32 (NLT) - Then the LORD gave this message to Jeremiah: "Send an open letter to all the exiles in Babylon. Tell them, 'This is what the LORD says concerning Shemaiah the Nehelamite: Since he has prophesied to you when I did not send him and has tricked you into believing his lies, I will punish him and his family. None of his descendants will see the good things I will do for my people, for he has incited you to rebel against me. I, the LORD, have spoken!'"

Wait, false prophets and their families are punished? Holy crap! Didn’t we start by listing a few false prophesies made by Jesus Christ himself? Does this mean God should be punishing himself, or was it ok for Jesus to prophesy falsely because he was “sent” by his father?

I’m confused.

The Pentecost – Speaking in Tongues -> baptism

Any time someone tells you that you’re drinking too much, just tell them you’re clearly not drunk. It’s still too early in the day.

A couple of months after Jesus was executed a large group of his followers gathered together for a “mind expanding” experience. Once they got themselves whipped up into a feverish state they started talking all crazy. Because this little gathering was in the middle of the city, in the middle of the day; a crowd of curious onlookers started to gather. It didn’t take long before some numb-nut in the croud shouted out, “Hey look at Jesus’ followers! Their ‘Holy Spirit’ must be making them do that!” Another said, “Yeah, It’s crazy. I can kinda understand what they’re saying though, and I’m from Crete!” “That’s nuts,” said the first, “I’m from Libya and I can understand them too. I think they’re talking about that Jesus guy again!” In fact, this went on for a while with several different nationalities claiming they could understand the garbled speech. 

Finally someone had the guts to call out, “You’re all crazy. These men are clearly drunk! You know Jesus was always making wine from water at parties. I even heard he told his people to drink wine so they could remember him better. I’m sure they’re just performing some sort of wine-fueled religious ceremony.”

When the apostle Peter heard this he decided it was time to get involved in the conversation. He said, “Hey, it’s still way too early in the day for us to be drunk! We’re very clearly being influenced by the holy spirit of God. If you don’t believe me read the scriptures. The prophet Joel said, ‘In the last days God will make people have weird dreams and act crazy.’ Our actions are a warning from God that the world is going to end soon. Hurray and become baptized members of the Church of Jesus so you can go to heaven. Act fast before the world ends and it’s too late.”

Well, this got the attention of the crowd. If people were acting crazy and the world was about to end, they had better get baptized. So 3,000 people got baptized that day, sold all their stuff, and started living in religious communes. Better safe than sorry you know.

Ref: Acts 2