The Guardian Legend – Stopping the God of Sin

Nintendo games are often a guide to greater truth

The New Testament teaches us the God is not the source of sin (James 1:13). This is a little weird because sin exists and God made everything, right? Well, sorta. God made the angels and they were free to make their own choices. They could love God or hate Him. They could choose to sin (2 Peter 2:4). There was even a war in heaven where the sin angels and righteous angels fought (Revelation 12). The losers were cast into hell (2 Peter 2:4). The leader of the sin angels was the greatest among God’s children: Satan, the Dragon, Lucifer, and the Morning Star. He is also known as the God of This World (John 14:30 & 2 Corinthians 4:4). Jesus himself was good enough to warn us that the God of Sin was coming (John 14:30). 



The Fall of the Rebel Angels - Pieter Brueghel the Elder - 1562

  This is all very gloomy. However, I learned hope by playing The Guardian Legend on the Nintendo Entertainment System.

In The Guardian Legend, a large planet-like object named Naju was hurtling toward Earth. It was full of all sorts of powerful creatures that I can only assume were fallen angels, physically distorted by their dedication to sin. "Naju" MUST be how angels say "hell," and is where all the sin angels were sent after they lost the War in Heaven.  

Fortunately for the people on Earth, an earlier attempt to stop Naju left it equiped with a self-destruct sequence that had the potential to keep the God of Sin from reaching our planet.

Additionally, Earth was fortunate to have a sexy lady that was part machine and could transform into a spaceship. Her name was “the Guardian.”

After lots of wandering through Naju trying to increase her battle power, and ten flying sequences, the Guardian finally arrived at the core, where she was able to confront to God of Sin.

It was a tough fight, especially because the God of Sin’s hands did an unbelievable amount of damage when they hit the poor little Guardian. Fortunately for those of us on Earth, she was successful and was able to activate the self-destruct system.

Moral: Always make sure you have a sexy, part-human transformer that can fly through space on your side.

Fallen Angels – Heavenly Porn Stars

 It’s fun to learn about angels.

Today we are going to have to skip around the bible a bit to bring these angel-related pieces together, but I think they are very important.

Angels often show up in the bible. Sometimes they are assholes that kill people (like in Isaiah 37 or Genesis 11), sometimes they are guards (like when they were guarding Jesus’ tomb), and occasionally they serve as messengers. A huge number of angels, however, don’t do what God wants. The “good angels” that do the will of the almighty are either incredibly boring (guard duty and messenger duty) or depicted as mindless machines of death. I figure these death angels must be mindless or the one that killed all those firstborn in Egypt wouldn’t have needed lamb blood to let it know which houses to skip. These types of angels are lame.

The interesting angels are the ones that God can’t control. These poor guys are destined for “everlasting chains under darkness until the judgment of the great day” (Jude 1:6). And what does Jude say these angels did? It’s simple really. They “[gave] themselves over to fornication, and [went] after strange flesh” (Jude 1:7). That’s right, they were horny. We’ll learn more about these angels in a minute from Genesis but first we need to learn just how many non-boring angels there were.

This bit is from the Book of Revelation. Because said book is terribly incoherent most of the time, I’m going to paraphrase and restate all this stuff: Lucifer used to live in heaven and was one of the most important angels. He got into a fight with God one day. Now, you have to understand that God was more of a lover than a fighter so he ran straight to the Michael the Archangel (archangel means “high ranking angel”). Michael and his posse were able to beat down Lucifer and his followers and cast them down to Earth (where apparently everything sucks). This group of losing angels was huge. It ended up being one third of the entire host of heaven. (Revelation 12)

Michael and the Dragon

Wait a minute though! Jude didn’t say the angels were going to be chained up in darkness because they were cast out of heaven. No! He said it was because they were fornicators who were always chasing pussy. Now, where do you think he got that idea?

Easy; he learned it from Genesis 6:1-4. You see, by the time Genesis Chapter 6 rolled around, there were lots of hotties on the planet, and it didn’t take the “earth bound” angels long to notice. I imaging fallen angels spend a lot of time watching the living; you know, in the marketplace, the bedroom, the locker room, and the shower. Anyway, these angels started picking out the hottest women and making babies with them. Angel sperm is WAY tougher than human sperm so these babies were all born extra large. If Genesis 6:4 is to be believed, they were all male too. These extra large babies grew up into extra large men, “mighty men which were of old, men of renown.”

I reckon this wasn’t such a big deal in “Genesis” times back when people were freer with their sexuality. However, by the time the “New Testament” rolled around, most everyone had decided that sex was “naughty” and could only be experienced under limited circumstances. When Jude read about all the “fallen angel” sex he quickly passed judgment on them and declared that for all the sex, they were definitely bound by “everlasting chains under darkness until the judgment of the great day.”

What a prude!

Genocide – Ensuring that man does not exercise his agency

Why does Elohim have to be so damn inconsistent?

Revelation chapter 12 talks about a great war in heaven wherein Michael and his Angels fight against a dragon and its angels and cast them out of heaven. That dragon is identified as Satan.

The Mormons teach that everyone who is ever born was first born spiritually in heaven to our heavenly father and one of his polygamous wives. This includes Lucifer and Jesus (who in Mormon lore is the actual son of God in the flesh just like Hercules is the son of Zeus). There was a big council before the world was formed to decide how best to get all God’s spirit children back to heaven. Lucifer proposed a world without choice so everyone could get a body, never sin, then die and be resurrected. That wasn’t what Elohim wanted. Jesus was a good little boy and put forward a plan that worked for Elohim. Everyone would be able to sin but because no unclean thing can enter the presence of God, Jesus would go be the literal son of God, choose to never sin, and then pay for everyone else’s sins so they could go to heaven.

There was a big fight after that where the forces of Jesus and the Forces of Lucifer had it out. Of course Lucifer lost but he took 1/3^rd of the host of heaven with him when he was cast out (hence the 1/3^rd of the stars thing).

Michael and the Dragon

Point of the above story: Elohim wants people to make their own decisions about whether or not to sin. Then they can choose to either repent and take advantage of Jesus’ atonement or go to hell with Lucifer and his 1/3^rd.  I’m not an expert on every religion, but I’m pretty sure the idea that people need to choose for themselves to go to heaven is pretty much true across the board, at least for the Christians anyway.

Problem: In the bible, Elohim works to make it so people don’t choose the bad.

For example: in Exodus chapter 23, Elohim reveals his laws to Moses. This is largely a reiteration of the 10 commandments as found in Exodus 20, but it includes a couple of additional instructions. It’s not good enough to avoid serving different gods, you have to destroy the people who follow those gods. In verses 29-33 Elohim promises to help the Hebrews destroy all the idol worshipers in the Promised Land, and commands them to do it so they can avoid the temptation of idol worship.

Yep, that’s right. God commanded the Israelites to commit genocide so they would not face temptation. So much for allowing people to choose for themselves which gods to serve. Sounds like Elohim and the Mormon version of Lucifer have a lot in common.