So Israel and the Philistines had this long-standing agreement. In battle the Philistines would beat the hell out of the Israelites for a long time, then every once in a while God would help out a little and the Israelites would briefly have the upper hand.
One day the Philistines and Israelites lined up on opposite sides of a valley Braveheart style and started making noise at each other. Then this early version of André the Giant came out of the Philistine crowd wearing an M1A2 Abrams (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M1_Abrams) worth of armor and told the Israelis that instead of a regular fight this time, they were going to have a one-on-one arena style conflict to decide everything. Apparently the Israelis were morons because they didn’t just mass rush the Philistines and at the same time decided they could never find anyone cool enough to take on the armored monster. Apparently the Israeli people didn’t know about Hulk Hogan.
As luck would have it there was this boy named David who’s regular job was to sing to the Israeli king, but had been sent home to take care of his father’s sheep on account of the war. After André the Giant had been challenging the Israelis to provide him a fight every day for some time, David’s dad gave him some bread and cheese and told him to take the bread to his brothers in the army and give the cheese to their boss (probably to get them light duty or something).
When David showed up he learned about the whole mess with André the Giant and freaked out because the Israelis were being such pussies and tried to run right out and beat the shit out of André. The Israelis stoped him and took him to the King (David’s boss). David convinced the King he was up to the task because one time a bear stole a lamb from his flock and he grabbed that bear by the chin and punched it in the head until it died.
So David picked up a couple of little rocks, put on a black mask, and went out the meet André the Giant in the field. I wasn’t there so I don’t actually know how things went down, but I imagine it went something like this:
The Man In Black approaches the boulders, then slows to a walk. A rock explodes against a boulder just in front of him, he draws his sword. Fezzik emerges, holding another rock.
Fezzik: I did that on purpose. I don't have to miss.
Man In Black: I believe you. Pause. So what happens now?
Fezzik: We face each other as God intended... sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man In Black: You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzik: Raising rock. I could kill you now.
Man In Black: Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting. He sets down his sword.
Fezzik: It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise. Tosses rock away. The Man In Black charges Fezzik twice, to no effect, grunting with the impact.
Man In Black: Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?
Fezzik: I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die feeling bad. The Man In Black dodges Fezzik and rolls away.
Fezzik: You're quick.
Man In Black: And a good thing, too.
Fezzik: Why are you wearing a mask? Fezzik swipes at him. Were you burned by acid or something like that? Swipe.
Man In Black: Oh no, it's just they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone'll be wearing them in the future. Swipe. The man in black jumps on Fezzik's back.
Fezzik: I just figured why you give me so much trouble. Smashes man in black against a rock, he groans.
Man In Black: Why's that, do you think?
Fezzik: Well, I haven't fought just one person for so long. Been specializing in groups. Battling gangs for local charities, that kind of thing. Smashes into another rock.
Man In Black: Why should that make such a... Fezzik backs the Man in Black into a boulder, knocking his breath out. Difference?
Fezzik: Slowing down. Well, you see, you use different moves when you're fighting half a dozen people than when you only have to be worried... about ... one.
Then, because this was taking a long time, David Jumped off André the Giant’s back and threw one of the little rocks at his head.
Modern "sling shot" version of David's sling.
Note: Dialogue from the Rob Reiner film "The Princess Bride" taken from http://princessbride.8m.com/script.htm
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