Moses’ Wife Saves the Day – Even God doesn’t let angry women with sharp rocks near his junk

I'm Extracting the Gems

So Moses is living as a shepherd in Midean, and one day God shows up and tells Moses he has to get over to Egypt and convince Pharaoh to let the Israelites move away. Moses isn’t cool with this at first because he is convinced that Pharaoh is WAY tougher than God; also, Moses is on the run from the Egyptian police who are after him on charges of aggravated assault and homicide.

God spends some time convincing Moses that He is actually tougher than Pharaoh and reassures Moses than due to an unusually high turnover rate in the Egyptian police department, nobody works there anymore that remembers Moses’ criminal past. So Moses goes and asks his father-in-law (Jethro) permission to head over to Egypt so he can do what the magic voice tells him.

Jethro says it’s ok, so Moses takes his wife (Zipporah) and son and they head off toward Egypt. On the way they stop at an inn and for some reason that I don’t understand, God meets Moses at the inn and tries to kill him. Zipporah notices that God is trying to kill Moses, so she grabs a sharp rock and cuts the foreskin off her son’s penis (like you do when God tries to kill your husband). Zipporah throws the foreskin on the ground by Moses’ feet and says, “Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.”

God is pretty busy trying to kill Moses but he still manages to notice there is a genital mutilation party going down in the inn, and books it straight out of there before Zipporah gets any more ideas. Once God is safely out of the picture, Zipporah apologizes to Moses for calling him a bloody husband and explains it was because she had to use a rock to cut up her son’s penis.

Hurray for Zipporah who managed to stop God from killing her husband so he was still able to do God’s chores.

Ref: Exodus 4:1-26