Judas Iscariot – Helping local law enforcement since 33 AD

If Jesus was foreordained to die, why is Judas so hated for helping it happen?

After three years of wandering around performing miracles and preaching radical doctrines that upset the ruling class of priests, Jesus was pretty famous.



Crowd in St. Peter's Square for Pope Benedicts Last Blessing
source: news.nationalpost.com

He was so well known that the ruling elite were frightened that Jesus had influence among the people to cause radical changes to the social and political situation in the Middle East. Furthermore, these rulers were concerned that Jesus’ presence would cause the Romans to take suppressive action against the people.

I think it’s safe to say that the biblical accounts indicate Jesus was one of the best known figures of his day. 



Sermon on the Mount - Carl Heinrich Bloch

Once the authorities in Jerusalem decided to remove Jesus from public life, it should have been easy to track him down, right?

Wrong! They needed help. They needed help to find Jesus, which I guess it is ok, but they DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE! They had to pay one of Jesus’ best friends (Judas) to show them where Jesus was hanging out, and then kiss him so they could take the right man into custody.

And he that betrayed him had given them a token, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he; take him, and lead him away safely. And as soon as he was come, he goeth straightway to him, and saith, Master, master; and kissed him. (Mark 14:44-45, KJV)

Seriously? Worst police force EVER!

Police Academy

Ref: Matthew 26:14-16, 47-50; Mark 14: 10-11, 43-46; Luke 22:3-6, 47-49

Shamgar and the Ox Goad – You go to war with the ox goad you have

“Speak softly, and carry a big stick.” – President Theodore Roosevelt

If you don’t remember, sometime around the 12^th or 13^th century BC, some guy named Ehud assassinated Eglon, king of the Moabites, before leading the Israeli forces to a massive victory over the armies of Moab.

The Children of Israel Engage the Moabite Army

Today I think we should remember Shamgar, son of Anath. He was super-famous in his day, but the only reason we know anything about his today is that he helped with the post-assassination slaughter. However, this help isn’t Shamgar’s claim to fame; no sir. Shamgar was famous because once upon a time, he killed 600 Philistine men with an Ox goad.

  

Shamgar Strikes a Pose

An ox goad? WTF is an ox goad?

An ox goad is a stick used by someone to encourage oxen to move. It’s pretty long, so the goader doesn’t get kicked or anything like that, and is pretty sharp so an ox can really feel it.

Ox Goad

Now imagine someone killing 600 people with a sharpened wood pole.

Shamgar and Five of his Victims

THAT’s why Shamgar was famous.

Ref: Judges 3:31 “And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines six hundred men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel. (King James Version)”

Jesus Meets Mary and Martha - Keeping it in the family

I hear references to fantasies about sisters (especially twins) quite often, but I suspect that’s even less common than brother/sister romances

One of the notable things about Jesus’ mortal ministry is how much time he spent walking around. He walked from city to city talking to people for years. Well, it just so happens that while stopping off in Bethany, Jesus ran into an eligible young woman named Martha.

As you might imagine, Martha was quite taken with Jesus. However, being a proper lady, she understood there were social norms that prevented her from dragging Jesus straight into her bedroom for some spontaneous lovemaking. Martha had to get Jesus to make the first move.

In accordance with the understanding that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, Martha invited Jesus by for lunch.

Once Jesus was comfortably seated, Martha started preparing the meal she needed to secure Christ’s lovin’.

Martha’s little sister Mary immediately noticed that an attractive man was dragged into the house and placed on the comfy chair. Jesus’ good looks were not lost on Mary, who kneeled down on the floor at Jesus’ feet and started talking with him.

Martha was not pleased that Mary was trying to edge in on her man, but couldn’t confront Mary directly without looking like a bitch. Trying to resolve the situation as best she could, Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me (Luke 10:40, KJV).” Sadly for Martha, Jesus was enjoying Mary’s company and responded, “Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her (Luke 10:41-42, KJV).”

Poor Martha, she was doing all that work trying to get Jesus into bed, but just couldn’t outdo her sister’s looks.

Note: I don’t know if this ended in the bedroom, but I do know that from this time on, Jesus had a very special relationship with both Mary and Martha (relationship reference 1, relationship reference 2, relationship reference 3, relationship reference 4).

Ref: Luke 10:38-42

Sifting the People of Israel – How gathering gets done

I bet it would be nice to be a descendent of Israel. Then you wouldn’t have to pass through the sieve and fall to the earth.

In the last days, Jehovah plans to spend a great deal of effort collecting the people of Israel from among the people of Earth. According to Amos 9:9, Jehovah is going to use a giant sieve and none from the house of Israel will pass through to fall upon the earth. 

  

Once they are safely segregated from the population, Jehovah will kill the unrighteous ones so their evil won’t contaminate the rest of the population. Once that’s done, the rest will be given a great mission. They will build cities, plant vineyards, drink wine, plant fruit trees, and eat fruit.

Here’s the thing though: if you remember, most of the children of Israel live inside the Earth.

A Hebrew Family Living Inside the Earth (not to scale)

If Jehovah’s job is done after the sieving and the wholesale slaughter, those who survive the process must have a huge task remaining. They need to find the entrance to the hollow earth and rejoin their brethren.

The Jews Rejoin their Hebrew Brethren (not to scale)

Moral: there is a good chance you will pass through the sieve and fall to the earth.

Ref: Amos 9:9-15